The Grip is Loosening

It's Wednesday morning. I just put a cash flow plan (aka how we're going to spend some money and when we're going to do it plan) on my memory stick and I'm about to head to wash my face and find something to wear for work. Fall is here. Yesterday I didn't see the mountains at all. I made hot chocolate cause it's been at least 20 degrees cooler than the hottest it's ever been in my room (otherwise known as the middle of summer). I got home to my room with about an hour of daylight to spare... just enough time to fill up my water bucket, sweep, and start supper.
For weeks now, because, I think, of a culmination of things, I've had a huge knot in my stomach. Sleeping has been rough with dreams that end in panic or doubt. I wake up and it's hard for me to drag myself out of bed because I just feel so tired...
AND THEN... yesterday, with its misty fog over the mountains, coolness, and long hours, happened. I walked to a local NGO to use their computer with a printer early in the morning and I typed up a letter of resignation for my office... making sure to include the statement, "if there are any specific projects/programs that you would like to work on or discuss with me please don't hesitate to call...". According to this letter I am no longer a volunteer attached to just one organization... I am a volunteer for the community... and I have freedom. (!!) At around 9 I walked up the hill to my office and handed the letter over to Synett. It was about as painless and drama free as it could have been. It was awkward. It was a little uncomfortable. I still hold some guilt. BUT, I did it. After I made sure to let her know that I still thought of us as friends... we just couldn't work together... I walked out a little lighter. I walked away and walked right into getting some work done. I spent all afternoon driving around with some people I'm working with getting quotations for building materials. I spent hours out of the office and jump started on a few projects that have been at a stand still. All the stress hasn't completely gone away, there's something about living here that keeps you on your toes, always ready and waiting for things to change... up and down, but the ball has started rolling. I felt like I was stuck and I did something about it. Damn, that feels good.