The Tzaneen Family

Back Row: Nancy, Jim, Megan, and Erin
Front Row: Mary, Jennie (Virginia), Jaceson, and John
This is my Tzaneen family... people who have become incredibly important to me and who have provided me with unwavering support. Sepela Gabotse, Jim le Nancy. I'll miss you, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Happy travels, happy searches, happy landings.

Beauty, Friendship

Hello Mr. Monkey sittin' on the railing of the bridge over the Sabie River! You look so deep in thought.
Lonecreek waterfalls near Sabie. Mpho, Mmapula, Abby, and Nathan.
An African sunrise. Kruger National Park, Orpen Gate.
Blyde River Canyon. Breathtaking.
Wonder View. You're supposed to have a view, but we just had to wonder.
Other little bits of interest: Savoury Pancakes at Harrie's and The Silver Spoon (cheesy, spinach and feta, butternut and sweet chili, mince, chocolate mousse) in Graskop, white water tubing on the Sabie River (sorry I told you I hated you Mr. River Guide), The Three Rondavals, The Potholes, sleeping in tents, laughing a lot, Abby and Nathan doing a free fall swing, popcorn and Amarula for supper, Woolworth's foods, good coffee, and lots of good conversation.

Sundays

So last night I managed to get on here before I settled in for an evening filled with eating way too much popcorn and movie watching. The option to post pictures on Blogger was up and running again! Yay! I decided that I would wait until this morning to take advantage of the returned feature...and this morning, it is gone. Man! I guess I'll have to come back and post pictures (I have some good ones!) whenever it comes back up... at least there's the reassurance that it will be back up eventually.
It's been one of those weekends where you're not really focused on time... where you just float through the hours pretty content with the way things are going. I have to say I'm on a high right now. It feels good because all last week my energy and interest in being here was waning, AGAIN.
My office closes on Fridays at 3, so I always get a head start on my weekend. (Ha! I love that that means I get an extra hour of reading in, or that I can make my popcorn an hour earlier than every other day, or that I'll be able to make it to the post office before they close without having to leave the office early.) I washed all my dirty dishes from the night before, swept, and then, yes, finished book number 2 for the week. (It was 500 pages of intensity). Kori came around to my door, knocked."Mmapula? Mmapula?" "Yes, Kori?" "I am coming now now." (translation: He'll be right back) I opened my door and waited for him to come back, I mean he did say now now.. When he came around the corner from his house, he was grinning from ear to ear. He thrust his homework paper (that I had helped him with a couple of weekends before) into my hands. "48/50! Kori! That's wonderful! This is beautiful! You want some sticky stuff so you can hang such a good score on your wall?!" He was giggling (for the record this kid, most of the time, is too cool for giggling) and puffing out his chest, very proud of himself. It felt good that I was part of such an achievement. Tanya called to see if I wanted to get to the post office before we headed down to Christy's (another PCV who lives in a village just down the road from ours) for the night. We met at the main dirt road (which soon will be paved!), walked a little ways, and then threw up our fingers when we saw a car coming in our direction. The car passed us and then stopped a little ways ahead... the guys driving knew we were heading to the post office... and offered to give us a lift. We got in the back seat and the passenger kept making references to knowing me, seeing me in the village, and apologized for not being able to give me a ride the day before. We were in the car for a good 5 minutes before I realized that, yes, in fact, I did know this guy, he actually was kind of a friend of sorts... Synett's brother-in-law, the guy who drove us to Giyani to turn in some reports. I laughed when it all clicked. It's amazing how often that happens. You find yourself in the middle of a conversation with someone and you suddenly realize you know them. I wish I could keep track of everyone I've talked to... and everyone's names.. but well... that's a tall order, there are a lot of people! We made it to Christy's just as the sun was setting and had a nice night eating a ton of cookies (Girl Scout Thin Mints and Samoas! and Oreos,too), reading trashy celebrity magazines, and talking... good downtime with good friends (those girls have been a constant for me, I'm so glad they've been around).
Yesterday I wasn't feeling rushing around to get everything done, but I really wanted to give Esther and Mashego the blanket I had made (a real, made by Megan, crocheted baby blanket!) for him. Came home, washed, put the finishing touches on the blanket, and then caught a taxi to Lorraine. Going to Esther's was the best decision, a lovely afternoon indeed. Mashego was fascinated by the bright colors of his blanket and kept staring at it, we had cold drink, and I got to visit, on the phone, with Esther's husband who I haven't had a chance to meet yet 'cause he works in Joburg. He thanked me profusely for my present to his son and for being a good friend to Esther, for teaching her things, and for being a good source of support (what?! I constantly want to thank her for all of those things). It was a recharging afternoon. I love that Mashego is going to spend the first couple of years of his life with a good friend from the States. When the sun was gettin' low Esther and her daughter walked me towards the tar road to catch a taxi. And, the way things go here, Freddy, one of the social workers for the Sekororo area happened to be driving by. I got a ride home to Metz and had a pretty interesting conversation about how frustrating social work can be, lack of funding in the area makes it difficult to help as many people as he (and I) would like. Some things do happen everywhere. Some challenges really are universal.
Hopefully pictures will be up soon...

The Politics

Just a little low lately...the kind of low where you find yourself one night just crying because everything seems to be a little off. Ah, the lows and frustrations! I'm really struggling with my job, that's the short, condensed version of the story. I think that's what has had me in a funk, spending 35-40 hours a week in a situation you're not sure what to do with can definitely affect all the other hours. I'm trying my hardest to figure out how the hell to break free a little bit, just so I can regain some of my sanity. It's the same story it is with a lot of people all over the world, in all kinds of work situations... the ol supervisor shouldn't be in such a position of power and is bringing my organization down. I get upset because it directly affects me, but it's also quite clear (and more infuriating) that so many people relying on my NGO for services aren't getting as good of care as they could be receiving. That my coworkers and other people who work closely with my office, who are passionate and really enthusiastic about doing some good, are being held back, turned away, because of a power struggle. I just feel like people settle a lot for shit they don't deserve... and just sort of take the approach that it will never get better, so they'll just do the best that they can with what they are given. Is it because I was raised in the States, raised in a life that offered me so many OPTIONS, that I think you can change things... that I have some hope? Am I too idealistic? Should I just not fight things? I'll admit it, I've cried at work on more than one occasion. It's not like that's my only reaction to things, but some days I've gotten my fill and really am so frustrated the tears just come, they're rolling down my cheeks before I even realize what's happening. It's hard to hear good ideas shot down. It's hard to work in an environment where all the little things are picked apart, but the big things like, "How can we feed more children?" and "What's the next step in trying to get more funding so we can actually pay our carers' a living wage?" are side stepped. It's hard to see that other people are reduced to tears and strained conversations as well. Two of my very favorite people in South Africa and in my office are putting in applications at other places of employment. Yes, it is good to keep your options open. Yes it is good to try to go somewhere where you feel you might be making a difference, where you feel heard. On a selfish note, for me, though, it sucks. The idea of being in my office, at my job, without two of my greatest sources of support makes me tense up, wonder if maybe I should think about moving on too. These feelings and ups and downs carried me through the week, right up to Thursday. Esther and I met at the trashcan outside a little bit after lunch. I told her, with my voice shaking, that I had heard she was thinking about moving on... keeping her options open. I told her I was proud of her, that any organization would be lucky to have her around. And then, cause I'm just in that place, I told her I was going to miss her if she left and that I wasn't sure what would happen with all the programs that have been put into place. Esther and Synett really do run the show. Finances are in check and site visits are made on a pretty regular basis. She just looked into my eyes and said, "Mmapula, there is a reason God put us here, together, at this time. We are not sure what He has in mind, but we will try our best to work with what He has given us. We now know each other and are a part of each other, we are family, and nothing will break that." And she was/is right. There is a reason I'm here, there are lessons to be learned, and even though it feels like I'm not doing any work, I know I'm doing something. I fight. I may get upset, but I question and challenge things, have proven to my office that settling for unreasonable treatment in your workplace isn't always so good for your sanity and for the benefit of the people you're serving. We're shaking things up at the office. Conversations have been had with the Board of Directors. Meetings have been had to discuss how to approach the supervisor as a united front. I have to remember that things don't happen overnight, change is a slow process, especially when you're working with deeply rooted issues.

The Economy

The days are getting shorter here, the evenings just a little bit cooler, you can tell that fall is on the way. For the past couple of nights I've watched the moon (a sliver of it) rise up above the mountains while I washed my dishes, cooked my lentils, read my book,and wrote a couple letters. Pretty cool backdrop to such everyday activities, if you ask me. It's the little things...
Falling asleep at 7:30 because the electricity is out. Waking up hours later to my fan coming back on, attempting to dry up the pool of sweat I've managed to find myself in. Visiting a creche, having the teachers teach the kids that I am "Sesi Mmapula", and then hearing my name screamed from every corner of the school the whole time I was there. Gettin' on a taxi with Esther and playing Pee-pie (uh, thank you Liz Kelley for teaching me)with the little boy in the front seat. At the beginning of our ride he wouldn't even look at me, by the end he was hiding himself and jumping out from behind the seat to surprise me. Having the big bricklayer work truck rollin' by a nearby road, Asbagh honking and waving to me. New tiles cover the floor of my room now, they may not cover the whole floor (they ran out), but they are quite the addition to my interior decorating. I ate a locust. Or a grasshopper or a cricket... locust seems to be the catch all name. Boiled in salt water and then fried in oil and salt.. a locust tastes very similar to a Mopani worm (found in Mopani trees, which are to the east of my village a couple of hours, considered somewhat of a delicacy in my office because you have to travel so far to get them. They are.... caterpillars... boiled and then fried). I finally was able to put a name to the guy who makes the best chips in town (er..village). If you are craving hot, fried potatoes, with chili sauce and vinegar, I'll pass along the name William and you can visit him in his little wooden "shop"... his address is the little wooden shack between Taposa Bakery and R36, right by the Metz Taxi Rank. He sometimes sells hard boiled eggs, too, although he may have abandoned that venture because chips sales do well enough. I read an amazing book. So good, it probably deserves it's own blog entry. It's a true story, although sometimes that's hard to believe. It was part of a package I received here.. with a return address that was IN COUNTRY. Who could have sent me a package in country? Abby. A package that contained a nice note, a bar of good chocolate, and the book... "Three Cups of Tea" by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin. It explained so much... and also shows that it is possible for one person to take on the task of bringing about change, bringing about peace, and following through. You should read it. (For all you Austin people... looks like it's checked out at the library). I helped my host brother/cousin Kori with his homework the other weekend and if there is anything that would show the difficulties of language barriers, it is that hour of homework help. The assignment was to find food labels and learn how to read them. Kori showed me the list of questions he was supposed to answer and then showed me a handful of (my) trash from the trash pile. Tuna , tomato,basil, and onion mix, instant noodle soup, welcome to supper at Mmapula's room. How do you explain what the word "ingredient" means in English? How do you explain it to someone who speaks limited English? You try one explanation and then another. You use hand gestures. You rephrase. You grab Sofia, your other host cousin who is 24 and on holiday from her school in Pretoria, discuss it all with her in English so she can translate it into Sotho. Sustainability, my friends. Sustainability. After a couple of hours of sitting, talking, and doing homework, we all broke up for the night.... Kori's homework? The final product? Beautiful. Some of the answers weren't in order, but they were there. Tuna, tomato, and noodle labels were all glued down for visual aids (and, yes, the noodle label was in Korean. One of the noodle bowls my aunt in California sent in my Christmas package. Bet no other kid in the class has such international trash). And it was the work of three heads thinking together.
Yesterday, in my office, after a pretty intense conversation with my coworkers about devising some sort of plan to have our office run more efficiently (oh! office politics, how you make me so frustrated!), we had a visitor. The Program Manager from an NGO down the road had driven up (blaring his African beats), his hands full of stewed chicken and pap for all of us. Afternoon tea time! They all discussed annual reports in Sotho, I opened up my book and picked up where I had left off. After a few minutes, David hit his hand on the table and said ,"Megan (he always calls me Megan, he's one of the first people I met, you know, back in the days before Mmapula), I have an idea. I think the Americans, your Americans, can help us with our country's economy. I have a list of good American people who I know can help us out." "Really, David? Who's on the list?" "Number one, Michael Jackson. (Megan is attempting to stifle laughter)." Esther:"No, no... he's not right. It's his head or something, but he isn't right. And I think he has no money now. Oprah! I've seen her school, she would be good." David: "Ok, not Michael. Scratch him. Ok, number two, Beyonce." Megan: "Uh, huh.... I can't wait to hear who's next." David:"And, Bill Gates. And Tom Cruise. And that man who has all the casinos and hotels... I can't think of his name, but he would be good. And that man who has the Playboy mansion." Megan:"Um, Hugh Hefner? You'd like Hugh Hefner to help with South Africa's economy? Do you know what Playboy is?" David: "No, what is Playboy?" Brief period where Megan describes Playboy and the description is met with "Allllllllright's" and "OOOOOk's" David:"Ok, well he has money. Hugh has money. And Oprah." Esther: "And throw in a Kennedy. They are good." David:"Yes, if we could get that list of people, and anyone you think would be good, to come over here, this country would be in top shape." I tried to explain a lot of things after that... but the conversation was quickly over... I noticed that as I began to speak, eyes quickly glazed. Gotta love the office. Hours may go by with nothing happenin', but then your whole day was worth it when you get to be part of such a jewel.
I'm off to town today... meeting up with some other volunteers to see the Tzaneen library and a museum! I am excited! Soon, I hope, Blogger will have the picture option back up again and I'll post some pictures I've been taking.